It's been four months.

Yeah, I am not good at blogging, we all know this. But I am baaaaaaaaaaaack. Here we go.


So lately I have been feeling pretty blah. I have good days and bad days but most days I don't really feel anything. On my good days i am really happy and what not but by the end of the day it all seems to wash away and I am left feeling like something is missing. I wouldn't call it full on depression I would just call it temporary / situational depression. I feel like there is a lack of support and love in my life and a surplus of negativity and criticism. It's pretty effed up. i am taking active steps to correct these situations but I feel as though happiness is not achieved over night and that it must be worked on and that is why it is taking so long.

Sorry about getting into all that. I mean I could be a lot worse off. It's just... you know... don't you ever just wanna be able to drop everything, leave and start over somewhere, where no one knows anything about you and your life would just be exponentially better. I think this way too often. But in actuality, life wouldn't get better because of that it would only get better if you (I, rather) just made the situations that are stripping us of joy better.

But these are just my thoughts, my ramblings, nothing too serious. I'm not about to go kill myself or anything, don't worry.

You say dur, I seder.

I went to my first Seder on Saturday night. You know how I want to be Jewish, right? Well, yeah, I'm like obsessed with it. I just love Jews in general. I have been wanting to go to a Seder for a few years now and I finally got to go because Gaby invited me to hers. I did a lot of research before hand, just so I would get the gist of it and not look totally confused the entire time. I come to find out that Gaby's family does a "Seder for children," so it was pretty funny, because there were no children present. We used puppets and sang songs to the tune of "I've been working on the railroad" and "Clementine." It was so much fun. I really want to go every year now.

I am too hungover to write more. Well, I'll just catch you up to date on last night. Went out with drunk Todd, went to Hot Mess (which was at Snitch), saw two fights, went to Hiro with some more people, got McD's after, came home and passed out.

Byeeeeeeeeeeee.

I'm a bad blogger.

When I created this blog I made it with the intention of posting every day, but as it turns out I am incapable of doing so. For that, I apologize. Not only to you, but to myself.

I'm watching For Your Consideration right now. Have you seen it? It's so funny. Well, all of Christopher Guest's movies are quite spectacular. It makes me think of Grove City for some reason. I guess because me and Colleen and Ann would quote Waiting For Guffman and Best in Show. I miss them a lot. Today is Colleen's birthday, so Happy Birthday Coll.

God, I'm tired, so this post is being cut off short. Call me if you want to know what's going on in my life.

My thoughts on TV. Vol. 1

I decided I am not going to update you on the rest of the last post. I just don't feel like typing it. If you want to know about all the gritty details of the last week or so and my goings and not goings out, then call me.

So today I am going to tell you about the latest TV shows I have been enjoying or not so much enjoying but still watch.

Dawson's Creek
So, yeah, shut up. I was never allowed to watch this show when I was growing up so when I found out it was still on TV, I decided to start DVR-ing every episode that came on. This show is amazing! It should still be on. I don't know if it is on DVD (The whole series) but if it is, get it for me for my birthday. I want to know how all this drama unfolds!

Reno 911!
I have enjoyed this show ever since me and Dilley saw the movie. If you are not watching it, you better start. It is probably hands-down one of the funniest shows I have ever seen. It's no Arrested Development, but it still is amazing. They talk about every social topic from Adoption to Racism to Politics and so much more. If you don't think the show is funny, you obviously do not have a good sense of humor and should probably get back to your boring job.

America's Next Top Model
I am still not too sure about this cycle. A few of the girls, well mostly Katarzyna, are growing on me. Well her and the fat one. I love Whitney! Tyra is getting crazier on the show and it is starting to scare me. Miss J has lost his / her mind. Jay Manuel's hair keeps getting lighter / more silvery. (Is that even a word?) OMG! I didn't even talk about how I went to the Tyra Banks show with CariDee for the First Annual Fiercee Awards, I know, I know, lame but... I met all my favorite Top Model girls. Let's start the list: Saleisha (again. super sweet and was asking me to take pictures the whole day, she also had an alright sense of humor), Jaslene (again. She showed up so late and was Diva-licious! I was cracking her skinny ass up. She is also really friendly), Norelle (Love her! She is soooo sweet and cute and funny. Remember how she was obsessed with Paris Hilton, well she finally got to meet her.), Camille (again. The last time I met her I gave her bad directions on the street, but she doesn't know that was me like 2 years ago. This bitch is nuts and funny as hell. Not that big of a bitch. Loved her.), Joanie!!!! (my former favorite girl ever before I met CariDee, was so tiny and cute and amazing. So funny and gorgeous. Seemed very down to earth too), Bianca (this bitch is so fuckin' funny I lost it. Basically her and Camille and Saleisha were cracking jokes with me the entire time. She is incredible.), Keenyah (still a little on the bigger side, but friendly. She kind of thought she was too good for everyone there.), Jenah (OMG love her. Like so much. It's OOC how much I love her. I could not get enough of her.), Jade (walked by me and snarled. BITCH), Tocarra (loudest and hottest bitch I have ever met.), Nicole (again for the third time. She was so much sweeter this time. I take back every nasty thing I have ever said about her. She was gorgeous and nice as hell.), April (A little quiet but really nice.), Diana (the big girl, remember? again. Remembered me and was funny and nice.), Jaeda ( so much better looking in person! And really sweet.), Natasha (what a nutjob! Absolutely the sluttiest and craziest girl there. Yes crazier and sluttier than me, even!), Ebonny (BORING), Jael (what a nutjob! She had to be some sort of crazy addict once in her life cause she has not come down from whatever she is on. Really sweet though.)



I have a lot more to write about but I have to go to lunch with my aunt and my black aunt now.

Toodles.

Sorry about that...

Yeah I know, I should be blogging everyday, but I have been super lazy and just haven't felt the need to. So much has been going on lately, I don't even know where to begin. Let's stick to the interesting stuff.

Tuesday night. Well, Tuesday afternoon. I decided to have lunch with Caridee. She owed me some money for watching Martini, so she took me out to the Big Daddy Diner. It is this adorable diner right north of Union Square. I wanted to get the chicken fingers, but they didn't come with fries. And besides, CariDee was going to be getting them, and if you know me, I hate hate hate hate getting the same thing as anyone else when out to eat. Just another thing to add to the list of reasons why I am not normal. So I got a cheeseburger. Once I said that, bitch decides she wants a cheeseburger too and orders the sliders. UGH. I was p-i-s-s-e-d off. I don't know why it bothers me so much, but it does. Anyways, after that we went back to her apartment and just fooled around for most of the day. She cut my hair and at first I was not loving it, but now I am in love with it. She basically just shaved the sides and part of the top of my head, leaving a wide mohawk type deal. I feel like a rock star. We got dressed for the event we were going to and headed out. The event was the Heatherette / MAC Launch party. We all know how much I love Heatherette parties, but this one was not up to par. Apparently Angela and Vanessa from Run's house were there but I didn't meet them. I wish I did, they are so funny.
After that we went to this restaurant called something "Market" on sixth and 21st and met up with some girl friends of hers. They were all so hot, I was like Yes! We were sitting with some investors of the restaurant and ordered whatever we wanted and got it for free, it was pretty sweet. From there we went to the very fancy "Rose Bar" at the Gramercy Hotel. This place was sick, like everything was gorgeous, I could not get enough of it.


I am so tired right now, that I can not even finish this post. Stay tuned for more.

Absolutely, Definitely, Maybe.

Yesterday was one of those days. One of those all around feel-good days. I finally left my apartment during the day and went to therapy (I have been skipping the past few weeks...) I walked down there and listened to the Poon Pod on my way there. One of my favorite songs came on and all of a sudden my day just started looking so much better than it did a few minutes beforehand. I think its so incredible how much a song can brighten up your day. Has that ever happened to you? It happens to me sometimes, and I love it. You are just walking and then Bam! all of a sudden all your problems are left at the curb and you cross the street and you are just plain old happy. It's a surprisingly good feeling. If you do not have happy songs on your iPod, download some now and put them on there. They will make you feel better I promise. Of course the weather helped too. It had to be one of the nicest days ever. Seriously. I guess altogether the whole day was really great. After therapy I met up with Mike and went to the Duffy concert. Duffy apparently had been number one on the British pop charts for 6 weeks. Mike and I stood right in front of the stage. It was amazing. She sounds like Amy Winehouse, but is way cuter. Her songs were all very, you know, lounge-y. Altogether a very good day.

I was going to write about today and how it was a little colder out but I'm kinda over typing right now. So here you go with another short summary. Woke up, got lunch with Hunter at TGI Fridays (actually delicious) , saw Definitely Maybe (was so cute, I cried like a baby), came back here and spoke with Dilley for like 2 hours which was nice. We haven't chatted in a while, so it just felt nice to have civil conversation with no judgment involved. See, we are evolving. It was a good sign for the future.

Two good days in a row, wow! Tomorrow should be good too; I'm getting lunch with Frank and then probably going out with him at night. I'm pretty excited about it.

Tonight is the night, people. Make it yours.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I would love to be in the mood to tell you every detail of Saturday night but I am still in pain from it so I would rather not. I'll give you the edited version. Please excuse the fragmented sentences. Went over to Jason and JJ's for drinks before going out. Drank a lot. Annelise Midland and her friend Vera stop by. People who were there: JJ, Jason, Me, Dan, Ken and Will (Brian's old roommate.) Go to barrage, meet up with Chris Van D and his friend Ebonne (pronounced like Ebony,) drink a lot. Do a "red headed slut" which apparently has Jager in it. We head towards Vlada and I throw up on the street so I can be able to drink more later on. We get inside Vlada, get a drink. Upstairs, dancing, I pick up a girl and swing her around and pull something in my neck. It hurt so bad that I left. It still hurts awfully bad.

Yesterday i went grocery shopping with JJ and Jason. In NJ. It was weird cause it was right by the Dilley's. Like I knew exactly where I was. I keep telling Mrs. Dilley that I will be coming out there at some point but it hasn't happened yet. I really should fix that. Anyways, we head back into the city and i have to lay down for the rest of the day because I was in so much pain. Throwing out your neck is never a good idea. A few people suggested I smoke some pot but thats just gross. Smoking pot makes me vomit. Also, we all know how I feel about that. Anything that my roommate Emily would do on a regular basis is obviously not a good thing to be doing. Ha ha.

Still in pain today, but it is St. Patrick's Day and I am going to see some Irish singer at Hiro with Mike Lombardo. We haven't hung out in like, forever, so it should be a good time. Before I get to that I have to clean up all the shit Emily left around the apartment, including a bag of broken glass in the sink, pile of dog shit in the hallway next to my room, and most of the dishes in the sink. She's gone for a week for spring break, so if anyone wants to come over and party, let's do it!


Get drunk today, people!

Long time, no type.

So it's been two days since my last nondescript post. I guess I have just been quite on the lazy side lately. (Slash hungover hardcore) So Thursday night, Chris Van D, from Tulsa OK, was coming into town and staying at my apartment for the night, and as soon as he got in we were ready to go out. I bought us a bottle of Svedka and some mixers and we finished it within an hour. It was a messy night, that is just the beginning. So we go down to PopRocks and he immediately buys us a round of drinks. Halfway into it I'm all like "uh oh spaghetti oh" and I rush to the bathroom to very gracefully empty out my stomach by way of my mouth. Nice way of putting it, huh? But if you know me, you know I can get my act right back together after that. I got myself a water and another drink and partied my ass off. Saw a few people I knew, but don't really remember which ones. I just remember that I knew people there. From there I wanted to show him something a little more glamorous so I take him to my stomping ground, Marquee. We get a few free drinks there and the music is banging! It was so good. While waiting for Chris to come out of the bathroom, I "accidentally" drop a glass and break it. I am thrown out exactly ten seconds later. As I am being kindly escorted out, I see the door people who love me and they are all like "Do you want to go back in?" and I am like uh uh, I was way too drunk and didn't want to embarrass myself anymore. I text Chris to come outside and we start walking towards maybe getting a cab. I then think that we should try going into Bungalow 8. I mean I have had a lot of good luck getting in there now, so I guess they know who I am. Cause we walked right in. First people I see are Mary Cary (Katie Edmonds) and Bess K. Hot messes. WE do a few rounds of shots and head out. The rest is a mystery.

Waking up was not a fun thing. I had to be over at Caridee's at 10:30 am. Of course that was not happening, and I got over there around 12. We walked Martini and went over to the puppy park. Yesterday was gorgeous. Like it had to be at least 55 degrees out. Seriously. I'm not lying. After that we got lunch, I got a turkey burger. Turkey burgers are slowly becoming my favorite food. (Just to let you know.) We rushed back to my apartment cause Chris had to get to his hotel and all his stuff was here. So we got his stuff, I walked him back to his hotel, and then showed him and his "roommates" to the closest H&M. Don't get me started. I guess they don't have them in Oklahoma, so going to one is kind of a big deal. I hate that GD store. It's all cheap looking and not cute. I may not have the most expensive or nicest taste in the world, I still wear shirts from high school, but I would never get anything from there. It's so not me. Any who, I leave them there, go back to walk Martini a few more times and watch movies for the rest of the night. Oh and btw, I was extremely hungover the whole day. Like beyond hungover, I felt like I ran into a wall at least fourteen times.

I woke up today still hungover so I laid pretty low. Watched a few more movies and walked Martini a few times. Went to the puppy park twice.

I am so tired now but I must go out tonight! I'll get a red bull or something. Wish me luck.


Oh I talked with Frank today, he's in Vegas and loving it. Well loving what he remembers!

Nighty night.

Blahdy Blah Blah

It's encouraging to me how many views my blog has been getting. No point in blogging if no one is going to read it.

I went out last night. Spent way too much money. Not a whole lot to say, besides I had fun and was with lesbians. They brought me to a lesbian party unknowingly and I was literally the only person there with a real penis. I knew there were some def FTM's (Female-to-Male) there. It was so confusing, because some of them were so cute. It kills me.

Top Model is still kind of boring me. I only like a few of them. The fat one is my favorite. Weird right?

Feeling kind of sick, got the sniffles. Sorry about the boring post.

Sunshine after the rain

You're the cure against my fear and my pain.... cause I'm losing my mind when you're not around....


Okay, I'll stop. It's stuck in my head. Leave me alone. But come on, how much do you miss boy bands? I sure do. Like Nsync and Backstreet Boys were amazing. I probably still know every word to every song on Nsync's "No Strings Attached" album. Does that make me a loser? No. Well, maybe. Get over it.

Well the reason I called this posting "Sunshine after the rain" is because it is so nice out today as compared to yesterday and the day before just being cold and gross and rainy. Ew. I went to lunch with Hunter today at HK across the street. I had a delightful Turkey and Brie sandwich. Tasty Delicious! New catch phrase. Use it.

I watched "V for Vendetta" last night with Caridee and Nick. Great movie; I had seen it once before with Nicole Bethell. It made me think about her for the first time in a while. I really have made a conscious effort to just erase her from my memory. Long story short, we were best friends, she found out I was doing drugs and stopped talking to me, we made up after I backed down a bit on the drugs, then the accident happened, she visited me in the hospital everyday, I get out of the hospital, she decides to not be my friend anymore, she apologizes a while later, a week after that she goes into a fit about how I should kill myself and that the accident was my fault. Since then I just can't even think that I would be friends with someone like that. So I decided that no matter what I will never let her back in. Because of that experience I have become more cautious with people that I am friends with. It takes me a lot more to invest my whole self into a friendship because how do I know they will be there for the long run. Natural feelings right?

Tonight I am going to dinner with Frank. I'm rather excited. Like I don't know. This giddy feeling is so much fun. I missed it. I have a feeling that I am not oging to get fucked over this time and that's a nice feeling.


Definitely getting some kisses later.

:-D

Martini Shakin' and Stirred.

So I guess it's been a while since I have posted a blog. I wanted to do it everyday, but I missed two. Shut up. I am allowed to take a few days off. Deal with it.

So I went out Thursday night with Jason as planned. We went to PopRocks for dollar drinks from 10-11. It really is the best invention ever. I stocked up on drinks and had about 8 or 9. Got a few after dollar drinks ended but who cares about that? Jason finally rolls in with Nikki and Ilana and some other girls he graduated from. Nikki and Ilana are two of my favorite people to see so I was like freaking out. They just drive me wild. Drew Rosner then calls me and is like "where you at?" so I tell him to meet us there. He shows up and we are all having a blast when he recommends we go to some new gay party called Ultra. It was god-awful. Like really bad. We sit at some guys table and start drinking from his bottle; Jason at this point is so fed up with the disgusting-ness (not a word, I know) of this party and decides to leave. Bye Jason. At this point Drew and his friends are all like lets go somewhere else, so I am like why not Cain? So we head over there and they tried to charge us because it was 2:30 in the AM, so I say why not Marquee? They see me walking up and just open the rope and are like "Hey Jonny!". I love it. The back room on Thursday nights apparently has amazing music. It was fun.

Didn't make it to Brooklyn that night, but I did the next night! Friday night was mine and Drews planned night out. Friday day was kind of a waste. I walked Martini a few times ate a few meals etc... Kinda boring. Watched some movies. Oh about Martini. He is this little shit of a dog. About two pounds and so annoying. When he shakes, his whole front half shakes and then his back legs begin to shake. It grosses me out. Like for reals.

Back to Friday night. Drew and I drink a bit at Caridee's and then head to Sugarland in Williamsburgh. Not a great turnout. Music was...eh. But Frank shows up! (Frank is amazing first date guy that I met at brunch that lives in BK) That was exciting. We end up heading to the bar his roommate is at. Drew and Franks friend come along too. It was a fun place with a cute backyard. We stay there for a while and then Drew decides he wants to go home. I get him the directions to the Subway and at that moment it is decided that I will be spending the night in Brooklyn! I was thrilled. So blah blah blah we get back to Franks apartment, and you know, kiss kiss kiss for a while and that's it! I'm proud of me. It shows that I actually do like him. I do. I like him. He knows it. :-) I still don't know where its going or what it is but I like it.

I spent most of the day Saturday at Franks and he cooks me brunch. Wow, well we all know food speaks to me, and he makes food very well. Major plus! He is so cute, I love it. Like all we do is laugh, it's ridiculous. And so much fun, btw. I get back to the city a bit later, walk Martini a few times. God he's so annoying. Watch some more movies.

I was supposed to be up so early today to head to Staten for my little sisters' birthday parties and the St. Patrick's Day parade on the island. I slept till about 3 PM. I felt bad. I spoke with Emily and she isn't too upset, but i still feel bad that I didn't make it. I'll head over on Weds for her actual birthday.

So tired for some reason. I'm just going to watch some movies and relax for the day. i feel kind of sick too. It sucks.

:-)

My nailbeds suck.

Such a lazy two days. Yesterday I basically laid around all day till about 9pm when Hunter came over. We watched project runway. OMG so effing happy that Christian won. If he didn't I was gonna find Nina Garcia and smack her goofy smile off her face. I literally yelled when they said he won. I did like Jillian's stuff, too, but it was nothing in comparison to Christians. Rami's was blah. I didn't care for much of it. I agreed with Michael Kors about the color schemes. They were just wrong.

I ended up staying up till about 4:15 talking to Scotty. That was fun. We always have good chats and we really talk about almost everything. If an outsider were to listen in at certain points they might think we were some type of crazy.

Woke up today and hauled my ass over to Caridee's apartment. I'll be staying here through Monday, while she and her boyfriend, Nick, will be in Vegas. They got cable and internet, which is amazing! So I brought my comp and my laundry over here and I'll be set for the weekend. Martini, their dog, who is normally an asshole, is actually being quite good. Surprisingly. I left the cats at home and asked Emily to feed them and I'm sure she will. I am just hoping she doesn't feed them all the food and I have to go buy more of it. That'd suck.

I am going out tonight to see Jason from ten to about eleven and then hopefully I'll be heading out to Brooklyn to see you know who. Hopefully.

I am probably gonna nap now. Kisses later. I hope.

I know, right?

Last night was AMAZING. I went on what I guess would be considered a first date. And I loved it. It was probably one of the best first dates I have ever been on. I left feeling good and I feel like he did too. i am not going to get my hopes way up, because I have learned that when you do that, everything just comes crushing down on top of you. His name is Frank and I met him at brunch on Saturday. I was drunk he was drunk and I thought he was cute and blah blah blah we end up exchanging numbers and blah text text text blah blah we are talking online and blah blah we set up the date. He is awfully sweet and he thinks I'm funny and that is always a great start. Awfully cute too. Doesn't hurt. If you checked out my latest picture installments on Facebook and / or MySpace, he is the one in the pictures with me. Second date is set up and bam!

On to other things. Do you ever feel like the people around you are changing and sometimes you don't like what they are becoming? Although they might be happier or a better person, what they are just isn't appealing to you, personally, anymore. It's been happening to me with a few different people lately. I am happy for them but who they are now isn't the type of person I would necessarily like to be friends with. Who knows? I could always get used to the changes, and Lord knows I have changed a bit over the years and some people have remained quite loyal. Namely Christian. He is probably my best friend and he doesn't care what I do or how I do it as long as I am happy. So that, in and of itself, makes me happy. I guess I should be like him in that way in regards to my friends who are changing, but I am not him. I guess I haven't done anything so drastic as to turn him off from me. I am not saying that I do not want to be friends with these people I just view them in a different manner on my friend spectrum. Whereas they used to be way up there, they are now falling. Slowly, but still falling down that ladder. Of course, I still care deeply about them and wish them the best, i just don't see where I fit in with them anymore. I hope this all makes sense, cause I am just typing what I am thinking and who knows if my thought are ever cohesive.

I don't even know anymore. I am happy one minute and then depressed the next. Maybe not depressed, more of a blank feeling. I really need to stop skipping therapy appointments.

I would ask if anyone would want to make out, but right now, I sort of just want to make out with one person in particular. I miss that feeling. Ah, it's good to have it back.

The calm before the storm

First off, is it weird that I always blog naked? I would have to say that at least 75% of all these blogs have been written while I was undressed. Just a side note, really.

Yesterday was probably one of the best days ever. It started with lunch. I met with Hunter at Room Service. Always a good time there, but still I would have rather been at Spice (it had a wait, whereas R.S. was basically empty). The whole point of meeting up with Hunter was to get AIDS tests. So to procrastinate, we got lunch.

We finished our meal and then decided to get some Pinkberry, I always get the original flavor, medium sized with strawberries, kiwi and granola. It is so delicious; if you haven't had it yet go to Pinkberry right now and get some. We then walked over to a clinic that James Coppola told us about. We went in and they sent me up to a teenager program because I am 21 (that was the cutoff age; also that program was cheaper). They took some information and set up a test later on in the afternoon. Hunter was downstairs in a less cool area and also got an appointment for later on in the afternoon.

We had about 2 hours of time to kill. Thank God the weather was so beautiful. Seriously, yesterday had to be like 50 degrees. And it was sunny. The clinic is on 18th and 9th so we decided to walk over to the water. We walked up and down the edge of the water, through Chelsea Piers and up to a park. It was just so peaceful and relaxing. Exactly what we needed before we went to get tested. We were both nervous, as neither of us had been tested in a while.

A little bit about Hunter. I love the guy. He is one of those people that if you are his friend he is just so amazing. Through his new sobriety, I am feeling encouraged to live a more sober life as well. I thank God everyday that I have him in my life. We laugh and joke a lot, but underneath it there is a sincerity that is just really rare. I guess that is why we hang out a lot. We can just talk without any sense of judgment between us.

So we are having a great day but now it was time to go back and get tested. Hunter went first and then I went a half hour later. It was probably one of the most stressful hours ever. He told me all about the questions they asked him and what they did and how they did it. I was sitting with him when the lady came out and said "Hunter, I have your results." He want back to the room and came right back out less than a minute later smiling. Negative. Awesome. One down and then it was my turn. I had this guy, who was actually pretty cute, administer my exam. He didn't ask that many questions and the whole thing went by pretty quick. Just a prick on the finger and I was done. The twenty minutes of waiting was pretty stressful for me. I was trying to joke around with Hunter saying "If you don't have it, there is no way I do." etc... The guy came out and just pointed to me and did that thing they did on Sex and the City when Samantha got her results. Didn't even say my name or anything. So I am like freaking out, and I sit down and he goes "Negative." Oh yeah! No AIDS for me. I was ecstatic.

We decided to get Billy's Bakery as a celebration. Phil, who used to work at the Big Cup, was working there and he gave me and Hunter a huge discount. Could the day get any better? We ended up walking down a little ways along the pier and it was just glorious.

We hung out for pretty much the rest of the night. It was just one of those amazing days.

Today I wake up at 11:15 to the construction across the street. So I am like, okay, let's get up and have a productive day, but not before I sleep for another ten minutes. Oh no! God forbid I get those ten minutes. Hunter calls me exactly at 11:16. God. Right? He says he is around the block and I need to get up and ready for breakfast. I cave in and do it. We went to Vynl and got some delicious breakfast.

He had two hours to kill and we both wanted to see Vantage Point. We just made the 1:00 showing and watched the movie. It was P-H-E-N-O-M-E-N-A-L. Besides that Forrest Whitaker. I HATE HIM. No actor should be that ugly. He literally looks and sounds like Yogi the Bear. Every time he was on screen I could not take him seriously. He is just disgusting and looks like a fat seal. The way he smiles, his ears, just everything about him disgusts me.

Anyways, we leave the movie and it is raining out. I didn't even mind it. It was nice this morning and the rain seemed refreshing.

I know this blog is getting long so rather than write about what I am going to be doing tonight, I will just write about it tomorrow.

Kiss kiss?

Cages.

I swear, this cage that I bought was worth every single penny. I have gotten a good nights sleep every night, and I even took a nap yesterday without any trouble. I barely ever have to see the cats! My life is so much more peaceful; if you have cats, get a cage! It'll save your life, I swear. They kill you in your sleep, I hear. They also make you schizophrenic. CAGE YOUR CATS!!!! It's my new campaign. If I ever become president, if I can't get a bill killing all cats passed, I will try and get one at least saying they must be caged half the day! Ha ha.

On to today. I went apartment shopping with Blaire. Great place, but so far away. It was up on 135th and Madison. Pretty much, it was in the Bronx. I absolutely loved the place and if I had my money now I would probably take it. Well, I would look around a bit more first. It was only say 400 more dollars than what I am paying now but it was way bigger and I would have the whole place to myself sans cats. How perfect. I was going to write purrrfect, but that would have been cheesy, right?

Anyone want to make out? Let me know.

Brunch and Bowling.

So here is a recap of last night and today. I'm on the tipsy side and you will soon find out how this all happened.

Ok so last night. I am sitting at home and I'm all like let's go to bed early. So yeah. Then I call Todd, because he is back in town for the week, to see what we would be doing Saturday night (tonight, now). He basically tells me to just come over to his apt on the border of Brooklyn and Queens. So I, having nothing else to do, get in a cab to 14th street and take the L out to him and his sisters apartment. I drink on the way out and then continue to drink on my way out. Turns out someone there had a little present for me. It begins with a "P" and makes all your pain go away. Just what I needed. Like I could go to the doctor and get them for myself but I'm far too lazy. Anyways, we end up drinking like a lot. At say 2am, I turn to Todd and we decide to go to Sugarland. We get there at 2:15ish and stay until close. I end up making out with quite a few good looking guys. I was proud o' myself. We continue to drink there, at this point we are pretty pretty hammered and then we decided we wanted food. On our way to the Pizzeria on Bedford, this little troll starts talking to us and following us. We sneaked out of the Pizzeria while he was ordering his pizza and went to the bagel shop instead. Mission Escape Troll was a success!

I decided to sleep over in BK on their couch. We ended up stealing a large traffic cone and a sign advertising Newport cigarettes on our way back to the apartment from the subway. Todd's sister and her girlfriend were not too pleased about that (we threw them outside in the morning).

So we wake up at say 11. We all woke up at the same time, weird right? So obvi, brunch is the main topic of conversation. We are all extremely hungover and need more to drink.

We trek our way back to Manhattan and go to this ADORABLE place on Ave C and 9th street. I forget the name of the place, something like the sun burnt cow? I know, I know, I never go that far east, just this once, I promise. Was tres adorable though. And the food was delicious. 15 dollars for all you can drink and your meal. It was OOC. I got Eggs Benedict on top of crab cakes and OMG, like they were prob the best eggs I had ever eaten. The unlimited Mimosa's, or as they called them "Moo Mosa's, were flowing and we kept on a drinkin'.

Turns out the girls next to our table were just as crazy as us and we ended up chatting with them the entire time. We did a few toasts for the restaurant and even convinced our hot bodied waiter to lift up his shirt and expose his gorgeous physique. Took tons of pictures, too. Hopefully Todd will send 'em in my direction. The crazy girls suggested we go bowling and we all jumped at the opportunity. But before we left, the manager, who loved me, decided to give us all some more free rounds of Mimosa and free shots. Like we got F-U-C-K-E-D up.

We end up walking over to University and 13th to go to Bowlmor lanes. On the way we were being quite crazy and asking every decent looking person we saw to come bowling with us. One of the crazy girls fell over a few times! So I see this cute couple and ask them to come bowling. They were so sweet and declined very kindly. I look closely at their faces and it turns out to be Piper Perabo. You know, the girl from Coyote Ugly. i love her.

So we go bowling and I crush everyone. I don't think there were more than 2 frames in which I did not get a strike or a spare. I was impressed with myself. I barely do that well when I am sober. It was such a good time.

Like seriously, this is just what I needed, an all around good time with no drama and no issues. I loved it. So I guess my slowing down on the drinking has been kind of successful. I hadn't drank since Sunday before yesterday, so that's pretty good right? I prob won't go out tonight either.

Back to watching some DVR. Yeah I'm that cool.

New Title

I decided on a new blog name. Say Crack Again. It's a line from Mean Girls. But if you didn't know that, you really should just shoot yourself.

I just had my interview at the Coffee Shop up the block. Shortest interview ever. Like I literally walked in sat down and he asked me maybe five questions and I was on my way. But I do think he really liked me. So I do hope I get it.

I'm watching Eva's season of ANTM on MTV and I am realizing how gorgeous Tyra actually was. Like seriously, absolutely drop dead. What happened? I can not wait to meet her. I supposed to be getting lunch with her at some point. I swear I'm going to freak out. Also I'm remembering how much I hate YaYa. I wish Tyra was able to see the footage of the girls in the house each season during the week. Cause then the nasty people would be sent home before the people that I love. God I love that blind Amanda.

Also, Ev from Real World / Road Rules is so hot. I would totally become a lesbian for her. Like I would totally munch her rug. I swear.

The cats spent their first night in the cage. I couldn't hear if they were crying or not, so i slept perfectly well for the first time in God knows when. I am very rested. I love it.


Off to therapy. Every good New Yorker has a therapist.

I am so lazy.

Like I was supposed to head back downtown to pick up my clothes and go out but I didn't. I put together the cat cage. I did the dishes. So I guess that it productive. I saved money and I did what I should have done. But I still feel like I did something wrong. The cats are crying a little in the cage, but they will get used to it. I did everything the vet said to do. Put a bed, some litter and some food. They will only be there at night, so I will still have to deal with them during the day. Whatever. It is better than before. I can actually sleep at night now.

I have an interview tomorrow at the coffee shop up the block from my apartment. I really hope I get the job. I just need something to do during the day. Plus I loved working at Gloria Jeans, besides my evil Dyke boss and the awful Indian owners (they called me in my hospital bed and asked me for a letter of resignation. Seriously.) I just enjoy working in that type of environment. Dealing with customers is sort of my forte.

Back to True Life. Such a good episode.

So about that...

Yeah I had carbs already today. But the food was so good. I went to lunch with Hunter at Jane on Houston. Never been there before. But it was so good. Like honestly, it might be one of my favorite new restaurants. I don't even know if it's new. But I really liked it.

My chest has been hurting a lot lately. i don't get why my doctor won't just give me some damn pills for the pain. Motrin, Tylenol, Advil; none of them are working. And I am sick of it. I hate not being able to fall asleep at night because I am in pain. Like come on. It's been almost a year and a half since the accident, I should not still be in pain. I guess it never goes away. That's what Paulie Wallie said. Yeah my dad used to call himself that. Don't even get me started.

The cats are driving me up the wall. But only sometimes. It's very love / hate between us. Like for instance, while watching TV I do not mind if BoyCat climbs up and sits on my lap. But late at night they are still being so loud. I guess I should set up the cage that I paid 60 bucks for, but I do not know how to do that kind of stuff. Right now they are just being so noisy, I could kill them.
Scotty got into Fordham Law and Jimbo got the job at Bank Of New York, so I am really excited for this summer and upcoming years. Like two of my favorite people in the world will actually be close enough to me that I can hang out with them more regularly. This whole slow down on the drinking thing will not last long with them around.

I bumped into Ray Biel from high school at Uniqlo, I had to buy new jeans, and he is getting me thirty percent off. So I am pretty pumped about that. Have to go back down to Soho in the freezing cold. Not fun. But he did mention that in HS him and this other girl used to stare at my ass all during AP French. And then went on to say I had the best ass in the world. I'm telling you, minorities LOVE me.

..especially that Blaire girl. She's like obsessed with me. Cause she's black, I bet. Speaking of Blaire, I am seeing her tonight. we are going to go to some Playgirl party at Happy Endings. Going to be way hot. Like I don't know how I am going to control myself. Haha.

Well I am going to hop in the shower, head down to Soho and then down to the party, with my bag of clothes I guess.


You know you love me

XOXO

Gossip Girl



OK JUST KIDDING WITH THAT.
But for reals, they should make some new episodes. SUCH a good show. I am seriously obsessed.


Ok but I do have to shave and stuff, so bye bye.

Now a real blog.... with a little more insight.

I have really been wondering a lot lately what I am doing with my life and the type of person that I am. I guess it's all natural, but still it feels rather immature in my opinion. I question a lot of my actions and just the way I do things. For example I was reading someone else's blog and noticed quite a few spelling errors. Immediately I leaped into judgment. I mean if you are going to type up something that you expect people to read you might as well spell words correctly. But then on the other hand, who am I to expect people to spell correctly? If they wanna spell things wrong, let them. It doesn't mean they are less smart than me, just that they aren't crazy like me when it comes to spelling. I could care less about grammar, but spelling, oh boy, I don't fuck around.

Also, for those that know me, or have even seen me, I am getting rather wide in the mid section. That's like the best way to put it. I am not fat anywhere but my stomach and ass and thighs. My chest, arms, and calves are all actually on the skinny side. It's so weird. Then I think to myself, hey, why don't you go to the gym you retard? But of course I won't. Why should I? I never have before, why should I start now? I even bummed a cigarette today so I wouldn't have dinner. I mean, why don't I just start eating healthy? No need to work out then. Just cut out carbs. I can do that. I have done it before, when me and the Dillster went to Miami last year. That's it, no more carbs. Starting in the AM.

On to my thoughts on relationships. And why I am not in one. I mean I had basically one serious relationship, if you'd call it that, and that just ended with me being broken. So I guess my opinion of them is tainted from that perspective, but it would be nice to snuggle with someone I actually like. Every time I have hooked up with someone lately it has been drunken or out of boredom. Never with anyone I like. I really should fix that. I guess going on dates could work. I guess. But who would wanna date a fatty? Not me, that's for sure. So I am like really torn. Back to the working out thing. I guess if I worked out I would lose the weight a bit quicker. Eh, I would rather not even think about that anymore.

Moving on...

My drinking has been brought up to me by several people. I am considering cutting back a bit. I mean I haven't gotten drunk since Sunday, so that's kinda a big deal for me. I just think it's gotten a little out of hand. Like, I guess, I'm young and everything, but still it's a little too much.

I need a job. ASAP. Cause then I will have a little structure and not be tempted to go out every night and drink. I will have something to wake up for. Or a boyfriend. Once I get one, no more going out for me. Why would I need to? I guess to see friends, but I'd rather see friends during the day anyways.

But after all this contemplating that I did today I did realize something. That I do like who I am. I know there are parts of me that could change for the better, but I do think I am a genuinely good person. I mean I have tons of friends, people love me. they see something in me, and that makes me feel a little better. Sure I don't think before I speak and I give my opinion, even if people don't want it, and I come off really strong, but I have always been this way. When people meet me they know they are in it for the long haul, and will have to deal with me in that way. I think it's a good thing. Someone has got to stand up and just speak sometimes. Just speak from inside and not sugar coat anything. That person could be me I guess. Who knows? This is all just mumbojumbo I guess.

I don't even know if any of that whole blog made sense to anyone, but it's what I was feeling. I still don't know what I am going to do with my life, but I'll learn. I'll figure it out someday. No need losing sleep over it.


So with that, Goodnight.

Secondary

Just got back from Connecticut and seeing Chelsea. Amazing.

Watching Top Model. Not yet decided on these girls. Kinda sad that Twiggy isn't on it anymore.

Not to much to type about. Not feeling too hot, after taking cab back to apt from Grand Central, kinda car-sick.


Can not wait to see who wins Project Runway. I hope it's Christian, but if it's not it better be Jillian.


Yeah thats about it.

Premiere

I have not "blogged" in like forever so here I go.

Um, so. Today is Tuesday February 26th, 2008. Let's see how long this lasts. I am sitting here creating this new blog and I go to myself, I need a better name than just "Blog" (which was the name of my last ill-fated blog) so I start thinking and suddenly BAM! "DIARIES OF A CRACK WHORE" pops into my head. I don't know why but it was the first thing I thought of. Who knows. I will probably come up with a way better name than that.

I just now thought of doing something with the title having to do with me being Bohemian and I went French but then I realized that if I said "La Vie Boheme" everyone who read this would think I am some sort of Rent-head. But I am not....anymore.

I just got back from Philly and at 2pm will be heading up to Connecticut to see my love Chelsea Brown. I hadn't seen her in three years prior to this past December so it is still unreal that she moved back up North and I will be seeing her again. Hopefully this meeting of the two of us will happen a lot. Cause she is like probably the best person you will ever meet. Seriously. Like for reals.

What else is new? Hm. Uhhhhhh. I doubt anyone will actually read this. So why I am even making it? Who knows? I guess so that in a few years, if I still remember my log in, I can go back and read it and remind myself about my life.

I guess that is all for now.


Oh any new suggestions for my blog name will be greatly appreciated.