Now a real blog.... with a little more insight.

I have really been wondering a lot lately what I am doing with my life and the type of person that I am. I guess it's all natural, but still it feels rather immature in my opinion. I question a lot of my actions and just the way I do things. For example I was reading someone else's blog and noticed quite a few spelling errors. Immediately I leaped into judgment. I mean if you are going to type up something that you expect people to read you might as well spell words correctly. But then on the other hand, who am I to expect people to spell correctly? If they wanna spell things wrong, let them. It doesn't mean they are less smart than me, just that they aren't crazy like me when it comes to spelling. I could care less about grammar, but spelling, oh boy, I don't fuck around.

Also, for those that know me, or have even seen me, I am getting rather wide in the mid section. That's like the best way to put it. I am not fat anywhere but my stomach and ass and thighs. My chest, arms, and calves are all actually on the skinny side. It's so weird. Then I think to myself, hey, why don't you go to the gym you retard? But of course I won't. Why should I? I never have before, why should I start now? I even bummed a cigarette today so I wouldn't have dinner. I mean, why don't I just start eating healthy? No need to work out then. Just cut out carbs. I can do that. I have done it before, when me and the Dillster went to Miami last year. That's it, no more carbs. Starting in the AM.

On to my thoughts on relationships. And why I am not in one. I mean I had basically one serious relationship, if you'd call it that, and that just ended with me being broken. So I guess my opinion of them is tainted from that perspective, but it would be nice to snuggle with someone I actually like. Every time I have hooked up with someone lately it has been drunken or out of boredom. Never with anyone I like. I really should fix that. I guess going on dates could work. I guess. But who would wanna date a fatty? Not me, that's for sure. So I am like really torn. Back to the working out thing. I guess if I worked out I would lose the weight a bit quicker. Eh, I would rather not even think about that anymore.

Moving on...

My drinking has been brought up to me by several people. I am considering cutting back a bit. I mean I haven't gotten drunk since Sunday, so that's kinda a big deal for me. I just think it's gotten a little out of hand. Like, I guess, I'm young and everything, but still it's a little too much.

I need a job. ASAP. Cause then I will have a little structure and not be tempted to go out every night and drink. I will have something to wake up for. Or a boyfriend. Once I get one, no more going out for me. Why would I need to? I guess to see friends, but I'd rather see friends during the day anyways.

But after all this contemplating that I did today I did realize something. That I do like who I am. I know there are parts of me that could change for the better, but I do think I am a genuinely good person. I mean I have tons of friends, people love me. they see something in me, and that makes me feel a little better. Sure I don't think before I speak and I give my opinion, even if people don't want it, and I come off really strong, but I have always been this way. When people meet me they know they are in it for the long haul, and will have to deal with me in that way. I think it's a good thing. Someone has got to stand up and just speak sometimes. Just speak from inside and not sugar coat anything. That person could be me I guess. Who knows? This is all just mumbojumbo I guess.

I don't even know if any of that whole blog made sense to anyone, but it's what I was feeling. I still don't know what I am going to do with my life, but I'll learn. I'll figure it out someday. No need losing sleep over it.


So with that, Goodnight.